The Self Actualization of a People Pleaser

Did you know I have a brother with a mental disability? Yes, my older brother is mildly mentally handicapped and has been since the day and hour he was born. My parents didn't know that though until he was about in kinder and my parents were constantly being called into the office because the teacher was having to spend to much time with him so their solution was to push him out of the school. How awful is that?! My dad would not tolerate such behavior from the educational system and insisted he be tested to find out what limitations my brother was dealing with and thus finding out he had a learning disability. Why am I telling you all this you might be wondering. Having an older sibling that is handicapped makes the next child in line realize that they are "the oldest" although physically someone is aged older than you.

I realized very early on that my parents had a lot of stress to deal with from realizing that they had a special needs child. That meant that I could not cause them stress, or at least minimalize it as much as possible. In the educational world I excelled and was a goody two shoes at school with the biggest complaint from my teacher being that "she talks to much." I remember sitting in 1st grade and thinking to myself as the teacher went over our Daily Oral Language assignment that I needed to "be good" so when the parent teacher conferences came around there was only good things to report...which meant one less thing for them to worry about. I couldn't let them worry about me, I needed to be fine and take care of myself.

Let's fast forward to the later years in high school (who wants to reminisce on middle school anyway?  UGH!) I continued my success in school by taking AP classes and earning college credit before even graduating. Free college credit meant less money for tuition at my fancy schmancy private school I was going to be attending. My favorite class was AP English, and I was a rock star at it. Seriously. You know how you just are freaking awesome at something, I was at English. I could analyze a poem and recite Chaucer in middle English like nobodies business. My teacher told me that I really needed to major in English and either become a writer, lawyer or teacher. My arrogant 18 year old self nodded respectively but inside scoffed...I was to be a BUSINESS major!

So I entered into college with a declared major immediately and I smugly looked around at all the unwashed masses who had no idea what they were doing. Looking back, I know now that neither did I. I became a business major because my parents told me very decidedly that no help would come from them if I picked a major that didn't have an actual future tied to it and to them English was one of those majors. Being the every dutiful daughter I declared proudly I would be a business major and get all these great connections and have a great job after college. I couldn't let them worry about me, I need to be fine and take care of myself.

You are probably screaming "do you ever do anything for yourself?!" No. I think I will always be a people pleaser but with the new year only 8.5 hrs away from me I feel the new year will be a year of change for me. A year that I decide what career paths I really want to take at my job without fear of disappointing others...well maybe less fear. I am also going to decide what hobby I really want to focus and cultivate. Perhaps it will be blogging. Until next time, pass the sugar.

New Year Resolutions

I am not one to make resolutions usually because I have such a hard time actually following through on them. This year I will be no different but I did want to start off the year with a new chapter in my life. Blogging. I love to write and even if just my immediate circle of friends or no one for that matter reads I think having  an outlet to express some emotions or thoughts sometimes would be good for me. How is this not a resolution you ask? Well I am not going to view it as something I HAVE to do but more something just to keep sharpening my writing skills and just a little side hobby to do just for me with no benefit other than just feeling good about expressing myself.

I am not quite sure what direction this blog will take other than glimpses into my life, my continuing weight loss journey (I have lost 20.2 lbs so far!), raising a small child, being a working mom to said small child, being a good friend etc etc etc.

First topic for discussion. I don't need a maid, I need a wife. What craziness are you talking about you may ask yourself but think about it. A wife will do things that even a maid won't do. I essentially need a duplicate of myself that is far more particular about how clean the toilets and sinks are. I honestly don't mind cleaning my house as I feeling quite proud of how my house looks when I am done, its very self satisfying really. Here is the rub though, it is exhausting and I feel like I am sacrificing doing things with my family so I can have a clean house. Hear me now, I am not a super mommy and will never claim to be. See not only am I a mother and wife, but I also have this little gig on the side called a full time job in corporate America. I realized very early on in motherhood that I needed to be a working mom, I am not built to be at home full time with a child and honestly I think that knowing that makes me a better mom. There are several other reasons that require me to work outside the home but again, I am ok with being a working mom. Back to needing a wife....it is important to me that my house be clean (read not perfect, just clean) which still takes quite a bit of time every weekend to do.

How do I make this better? Well little changes in my routine has helped. Instead of waiting until the weekend to do the mountain of laundry my little of family of three seems to generate EVERY week, I  started doing one load a day. By the time the weekend rolls around it is a little less. I also have started being a little more nagging (yup sometimes you have to be to get stuff done) to my husband and child to pick up after themselves and to clean up a little as they go also. Just putting things back where they belong and not leaving them sitting out all week is a big help to me. I have started looking for more ways to make cleaning more efficient in general so if you have anything that helps keep your family helping out (keeping in mind I have a 4 year old) please feel free to comment. Until next time, pass the sugar.